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Today's
Gardening Article
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GOD:
St. Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going
on down there in the USA? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and
stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those
plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon.
The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honeybees and
flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I
see are these green rectangles.
ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that
settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers weeds
and went to great lengths to kill
them and replace them with grass.
GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract
butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental
with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing
there?
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow
it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning
any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
GOD: The spring rains and
warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the
Suburbanites happy.
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it
grows a little, they cut it, sometimes twice a week.
GOD: They cut it?
Do they then bale it like hay?
ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly Lord. Most of
them rake it up and put it in bags.
GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash
crop? Do they sell it?
ST. FRANCIS: No, sir -- just the opposite. They
pay to throw it away.
GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize
grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw
it away?
ST. FRANCIS: Yes, sir.
GOD: These Suburbanites must be
relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That
surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.
ST. FRANCIS: You
aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they
drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so
they can continue to mow it
and pay to get rid of it.
GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of
the
trees.
That was a sheer stoke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves
in the
spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they
fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and
protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to
enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.
ST. FRANCIS: You'd
better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the
leaves fall, they rake them into great piles
and pay to have them hauled
away.
GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in
the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?
ST.
FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which
they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.
GOD: And where do they get this mulch?
ST. FRANCIS: They cut
down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
GOD: Enough! I don't
want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts.
What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?
ST. CATHERINE: Dumb and
Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about ...
GOD: Never mind, I
think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.